The House We Lived In

Do you remember the house we lived in?

2 stories high, an attic, a basement & the staircase that seemed to twirl from floor to floor. The windows were high & long, allowing the sun to creep in slowly & gracefully, gently filling the main room with airy vibrancy.  The sun seemed to make everything inside it shine, glisten even, like glitter lying about as you & I filled the rooms with laughter & sex.

We had rushed to build our house, perhaps fearing that the season for planning & plotting would soon pass us by. I’m not sure.

It seemed sudden when the walls started to peel & the cracks in the foundation began to show. You’d plaster, I’d coat. Or vice versa. The sweat dripped from your brow & I’d wipe it away….our home wasn’t perfect but it was ours. 

I’m not quite sure what happened next. The stairs began to go. Do you remember that? Confounded, I put boxes on the floor, stacking them up as high as I could whilst you gathered your shirts & sheets, tied them together but, torn apart by the very material that had once brought us together, we now sat apart from one another, a distance that kept us, both, near but far enough.

There seemed to be little recourse after a bit. Focused so much on rebuilding the stairs so we could fall into each other's arms, the rest of the house fell into disarray rather quickly. It’s not that we didn’t notice, because we did, but…..if we could just be close again, we could fix it together! That was the idea anyway.  

It didn’t work. 

Walls that were once our sanctuary became our prison. 

The sun that used to caress our naked skin with warmth & comfort now baked us as we both laid there, me on the bottom of the staircase, you on top…with nothing but old comforts to remind us of what we once had.

“Old house”, I’d sing, “if you come back to me, I’ll create in you a home….”
You followed, “a home where walls don’t peel, stairs don’t fall & we never feel alone.”

But the house….it fell. I think we both roamed the site a bit, trying to salvage something - although neither of us really knew what but, it all lay molded & crumbled. 

You moved away before I did, & that was understandable.  

I stayed, & I don’t feel shame for it.

It took me a while to understand that it wasn’t the walls that had made our home; but the hearts. & maybe….if we had fixed those first, our home would still stand on the hill country of Austin, Texas.