Secret Mountain
“Don’t want so much to see that all you see is the wanting.”
I am that hiker that looks high all the time that I’m in nature.
I crouch where there’s seemingly nothing to see, peering at moss or the way the bark breaks from itself on a tree. I stand & I stare at the various gradients of green that overlap each other, dancing branches that catch the wind in midst song & waltz.
It’s not enough to look, I want to see.
I cry rather frequently at beautiful sights or moments of deep introspection. I don’t need to take anything to see the magic in this creation. But to minimize the way that psilocybin amplified this experience would be an injustice.
Coming out of Red Rock Secret Mountain, & my high, I began to take pictures of nature the way I normally do.
I tend to see the things that are tiny, that people pass by, that seem so inconsequential & often forgotten.
We walk in forests, admire that which has reached our height or beyond it & forget that it started with a tiny little seed; that it was a sprout or spore, & that it’s the tiny things that create our world. To become a mountain, you must first be but a speck of dust.
I digress.
My experience was personal, deep & incredible. I saw, heard & felt more than I normally do but, I think more importantly, I saw from a new perspective. The grandness of it all never escape me but I do usually see what’s right in front of me, as I said. I noticed as I looked back at the pictures I took that I was taking pictures of the entire space.
I wanted to capture it all in one image, one mental frame that could perhaps capture that which my soul was seeing, but Mother Nature….she doesn’t let herself be captured fully. To attain her for a fraction, you must seek Her every hour, every minute, every second. An impossibility.
Interestingly, I’m currently reading The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho & the phrase his wife uttered came to mind in the middle of my hike:
“it seems as if my soul has grown.”
I could go on.
I could tell you the things I was “told”, the things I saw, the way I connected with the people native to the land, but I will keep that for myself. There are things that seem impossible to share, not because I don’t want to, but because the understanding of it was meant for me alone. It was answers to questions I asked; answers that still - though shared - make me wonder what wisdom this is that it fully divulges a truth so simple & so massive that one can’t quite find the words to repeat it lest it raises more questions, & eyebrows.
What I do know, & can share, is that everyone has their pace & purpose. It’s why I feel comfortable not sharing more; because you know the answers to questions more than you think you do. & for the ones that still escape us, they will be found. There is no rush.
The quote I started this musing with.
That is one I will share.
It struck me as I walked towards the Secret Mountains, & it was as if I’d been asked, “what do you want to see?” It wasn’t a challenge, it wasn’t even really a question. It was a reflection, as if making sure I was there, in that space, high on mushrooms for the right reasons. & then, the question - or reflection - became bigger than myself.
People, we throw ourselves into rituals & medicines & we’re seeking. Always seeking.
What are you looking for? What is it that you want to see? What do you believe must be revealed to you?
It’s not to say that the seeking is not good. It’s just that…..the answer is much simpler.
The thing you want to see or feel or think you need revealed, your eyes are so fixated on it, you can’t see that it’s right in front you.
“Don’t want so much to see that all you see is the wanting.” - the red mountains of Sedona.
You know more than you think you do.
