Unhappy & Okay
Going off on a bit of tangent about where I’ve been, emotionally & mentally, because some people seem to be very confused.
I’m just coming out of a few weeks of not being happy. That. Is. Okay.
In fact, it’s more than okay. I seem to know something about happiness that some seem to miss or forget: it’s an unrealistic space to expect yourself to be in all the time. The fact that I knew “I am not happy right now”, but also accepted it - surrendered to it - as a necessary space & was okay with it, but others seemed to have a problem with it, speaks volumes about why we are - as a collective - more depressed, more suicidal and more anxious than ever.
Happiness is not a red pin on a map that you can GPS yourself to.
I heard something really lovely from Abraham Hicks this morning:
“If we’re eternal, we cannot be complete because to be complete means you have reached the pinnacle of who you are meant to be".
The gist of it is that we - being vibrational beings in meat sacks (my words, not hers, lol) - are ever changing, and what a beautiful fuckin’ thing that is because to be complete means to be done with this journey. It means we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Holy shit, I am perfect, I’ve lived to my fullest potential and fulfilled my purpose in this world.” I know of not one single person that can or wants to say that.
So I live, vibrationally, & feel a range of emotions. If I am happy all of the time, what challenges are forcing me to face my self? What challenges am I having to adapt to? Overcome? How is my mental fortitude? How well can I really adapt to emotionally challenging situations? Plus, I get to be authentic! I get to show my daughters the reality of the human experience!
My eldest came up to me at some point, as she often does because she loves to cuddle with me, and she asked, “are you happy?”
I said, “Not right now, darlin’. Why?”
“Just wondering. But you know it’s temporary?”
“I do, baby. I’m okay in this right now.”
I’ve been unhappy & not okay with it before. That sucks so much more because we put this expectation on ourselves about how we HAVE TO show up for others, because that’s really the issue most times. We often hold ourselves to the expectation of how others will see us if we don’t or do say or act a certain way. It’s concerning to others when someone says, “I’m unhappy”, not because of how the unhappy individual feels but because we project onto that feeling OUR own interpretation of what that feeling means to us. In other words, if feeling incomplete makes me suicidal (hypothetically), when someone else tells me they feel incomplete, I would think, “Oh no! They need help.” And this is why therapists ask, “…& how does that make you feel?” Haha. At this point, it’s a joke but, in reality, it’s them attempting to remove personal projections.
People are mirrors, & if me not responding to a call because I go ghost for a few weeks but prior to that, I hadn’t heard from you in months, what I hear is, “I get to set boundaries around this relationship but you do not.” But that’s neither here nor there. I say all of this to say that, I am here for this human experience & it’s not always pleasant. The fear & anger that had remained dormant in me needed this space, this clearing, & I suspect I’ll need to continue to tend to me in a way that others are not going to understand. That’s okay.
It is well with my soul.
Friends, readers….fellow vibrational beings in meat sacks, lol….greater minds than mine have contemplated endlessly on such things as happiness, so I’ll end with a quote from Jordan Peterson:
I have longed deeply, many times, for the return of happiness — hoping for its current presence — and I am certainly not alone in that. However, I do not believe you should pursue happiness. If you do so, you will run right into the iteration problem, because “happy” is a right-now thing.
Life isn’t supposed to be happy or fair. Life is supposed to be meaningful.
-JBP
