The Demand of Love

I demanded more than could be given;

the story of my last few years as a single woman.

I didn’t demand without merit though, & that’s either been the worst or the best part, because it hasn’t been me, showing up empty handed, asking for more than I can give.  No. It’s been me knowing WHAT I can give; the depthness of the commitment of my heart, the loyalty for loyalty returned even in its most human, fallible form. 

It has been me saying, “do you see that mountain peak, my dear? That’s the height of which I reach each day.”

“Oh, but that’s too high for me,” said he, “I can meet you in the middle.”

But I don’t want the middle. I don’t want ‘good enough’. I’m giving this right now, today, because I have learned to give it to myself each day so I can’t do less. Not even for you. & it’s not about how well it’s done, or how easily the height is reached, or even that it’s done without tears or gripes. It’s about wanting to. It’s about seeing me & saying, “for you, I will”.  Great, I’d think, & what can I do to make this a beautiful trip for you? As easily as a trek could possibly be?

But I think that you, Seeker, must know this: you are not to be a well marked trail. You are not meant to have passers-by finding comforts in your flower beds, or vagabonds filling their body with your fruit trees. You may welcome in the one that you endorse for you are lovely & hungry too, but your heights are not for all.  There are other lovely mountains besides.

Let go. Release into the wind that things that keep you bound to pain, for pain is necessary but the reveling in it is not. The truth is that, for someone else, that same man will say “for you, I will” - so let him go find that. It’s a gift to know that when you point at your peak & you see reluctance, it’s not the mountain that is unworthy, it’s not even the traveler; it’s simply a pointer to both that guides us into knowing we’re not yet with Destiny.

I haven’t always loved being disappointed by others, but I have loved not disappointing myself.